How to cure boredom, Rangiku style
by Twix10
Summary: The horrors of a bored Matsumoto Rangiku no holds barred, not even porn. Please and review. Comments appreciated.


_**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or any of the characters thereof. I am merely borrowing them.**_

**Chapter 1: Second Victim **

"Ne, Taichou," Matsumoto began as she strolled into the living room, "Aren't you bored? How can you just sit there and watch TV?"

"Why can't you stop whining and do something then?" the white-haired youth returned

Instead of replying, she sidled up behind his chair, leaning over to hug him, uncaring that her bosom almost swallowed his head.

"Ne Taichou, want to do something fun with me?"

Hitsuyga found himself scowling even more at the contact. God help him, but she was going to be the death of him. Why bother with Aizen, he thought, when he had Matsumoto who was not only driving him crazy but giving him an early death of stress?

"Do you remember last month?" she asked, the sound closer to his left ear.

He frowned, trying to think of what she was talking about. A lot had happened so nothing came readily to him until she spoke again.

"Don't you think it would be fun to try it out on the other guys?"

He felt himself redden up to his ear as he recalled the incident. Playing it off, he extricated her hold on him and stood.

"Knock it off Matsumoto. That kind of thing wasn't funny."

"But Taichou, don't you think it would be fun to watch them squirm a bit?"

For a moment the idea seemed very appealing but he quickly shoved that thought aside.

"Do what you want," he said starting to walk off for his favorite place, the roof. "I won't be apart of it though and when they gang up on you, don't look to me for help."

"Taichou is no fun," she pouted.

He continued on his way, ignoring her.

When he was gone, she turned her attention to the situation. It was alright, she decided. If Taichou wouldn't help her, she would do it on her own.

The red-haired shinigami shifted uncomfortably. He had no idea why Rangiku-san had called him over and even less of an idea as to why he was still sitting here without an explanation. Hitsuyga-taichou was no where around it seemed, making him a little suspicious but he decided to give Rangiku-san the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she wanted to talk to him about this whole Aizen shit or something. Whatever it was though, he wished she would hurry. He had promised to meet Rukia later today and he didn't want to be late. He had been busy training lately and hadn't had much time for her so, this was an important time for him and her.

He shifted restlessly, pulling at the collar of his black dress shirt. As he did, his eyes fell on the TV remote. Might as well, he thought picking it up. Rangiku-san had rushed off to tend to the laundry, she had said and heaven knows how much longer she would be. He might as well pass the time with some TV.

The first channel that came on was showing baseball. He tried to watch that but after a few minutes, he gave up and started flipping through for something better. In the middle of flipping through, he heard footsteps outside the door, followed by some fumbling and then the distinct jingling of keys. Ah, he though Orihime-san is home. Perhaps now Rangiku-san would be able to tell him what this was all about and he could leave.

The keys fell on the other side of the door and he looked towards it, wondering if he should go ahead and just go open it. This lapse of attention proved to be his downfall though.

"Oh yes…right there…"

His head whipped around in the direction of the TV so quickly he swore he would have a serious case of whiplash. His jaw went slack and it took him a minute to assimilate what he was actually seeing. They put that stuff on TV, was the first thought that came to his dumbstruck mind, followed quickly by, what the hell as the camera zoomed in, causing his whole body to go as red as his hair.

The jingling of the keys brought his attention back to the present and he got himself together and tried to change the channel. Nothing happened. Horrified and starting to panic, he started to press all the buttons, all the while thinking of how really awkward it would be if he was caught in this situation.

The door opened. Too late he recalled that he could have just turned the darned thing off, as almost as soon as he stood to do so, a ginger-orange head appeared.

"Ah," she uttered in surprise, unaware of how much he was sweating and hoping she would not notice anything else, "Renji-kun. What are you doing here?"

"Ah…well…you see, um, Rangiku-san, Hitsuyga-taichou…" he was aware he was mumbling and not making cany sense but his brain was not coming up with anything.

"Ah…right there. OHHH…"

The sound seemed to have amplified ten times in the silence.

At that point, he didn't think it could get worse. If he could have died again, he would have- of embarrassment. He fervently hoped the ground would open up and just swallow him…or better yet, that a hollow would just appear and eat him. He didn't think anything was quite as bad as this…

The girl, who had froze at the sound, now cocked her head to one side and bent around him to see what was going on. Her eyes opened wide and her color shot as high as his had.

"Re…Renji-kun," she stuttered, looking away to stare at him, her face a very interesting shade of red, "I didn't …I didn't realize that you liked this sort of thing…"

"No, no," he interrupted, waving his arms, "It's not what you think."

Finally he remembered to just turn it off, but he felt that it didn't make sense at this point. The damage was already done. Still he reached over and switched it off, just to be on the safe side. God knows what else could appear on the screen.

"Inoue-san…it's really not what you thi…"

He broke off suddenly as the girl seemed to recover from her shock and smiled brightly at him.

"No need to apologize," she stated now, "I mean Renji-san is an adult after all. It's, um, only natural that he would…um…enjoy…these kinds of things."

She bowed suddenly.

"Um…Gomen. Please don't mind me then. I'll just leave you to it. I'll turn up the music real loud too. Ah…just don't get too addicted to these kinds of things, Renji-san. I hear it can be quite unhealthy."

Another bow and she was gone leaving him staring dumbly at her back. He faintly heard a door close followed by some loud music, loud enough to click him into the gear.

What the hell just happened?

Before he could answer that, she was there again, blushing and holding her hands behind her.

"Um..eto…I…The kind man at the bookstore gave me these a while back. He said that it would come in handy one day to a girl like me and I…um…put them away. I didn't read it but I kept them thinking that if I had a son… and he'd like to read them …and that's why I saved them…anyway, here. Please take them."

His mortification went up a notch as he found himself staring at some adult magazines. He blinked, willing the image away as he told himself that this just had to be a really bad dream. She grabbed his hand, shattering that cheery illusion and deposited the magazines.

"Well…um…good readings," she bade and rushed off again.

A flash of light caught his attention just then and he turned, realizing suddenly that he wasn't alone. Rangiku-san stood there, barely restraining herself with laughter, her face red and tears streaming down her face.

"Too funny," she stated then, coming to slap him on the back, "Too funny. Abarai-kun, the bad-ass, at a loss for words and totally inept in the presence of mere high school girl. Who would have known?"

She broke off in another fit of laughter and he felt his eyebrows twitch. His hands clenched around the magazines, wishing they were instead wringing her lovely neck.

"Too bad I didn't have a camera. This was priceless," she continued, having gotten herself in control again.

"It's good that you called me then, right?"

Renji felt his heart drop into his shoes at that voice.

The dark head popped up in front of him, blinding him momentarily with the close-up flash of a camera.

"You too? You knew about this?" he found himself asking incredulously.

"Mm-hmm," was her her reply, followed by an evil smile, "How could I have missed this? Now I have prime blackmail material. I can use it anytime I want."

He didn't like the sound of that.

"Oi," he said reaching for the camera, "give that here."

She slid out of his reach and gave him and glare.

"No."

"Oi, Rukia. This shit ain't funny," he returned, going after her again. She dodged him and the chase started.

"Now, on to the next innocent victim," Rangiku-san stated, ignoring the two running around. She was really enjoying this.


End file.
